November 6th./2002, three days before the one year. I miss my family. I am traveling to Oklahoma it is Jarrods Birthday on the 10th in four days. I feel I need to be there for them and myself, I am scared and have some anxiety though. God Bless This Family. We have been through so much. Julie
Seen Frankie, he gets agravated some. He wants me to bend all the rules for him. He sent me money and I defenatly did not need it. I miss him, he is my only son, now my only child, other than step child Jake. Love Julie
Trip to Oklahoma was good, long but good. I traveled straight back with very little stops. I paid with pain for that, was sore for two days. Kids and I had fun. The brakes made a noise (loud) after I got there so I rode with mom and Jimmy (brother). Bought Jarrod a huge radio control Harley Davidson Truck, Got Jay a Dodge Ram truck and Nessa Barbie and Ken dolls. We had fun, stayed at JoAnn's and listened to all of Janet's grips and cursing. She needs a boy friend or somethiing and she needs to get off of my grandkids cases. But considering, we all try to understand. I always feel good with the kids. I always miss them. Saw Rosemary, she talked about how Jon Jon was wearing her shoes that last time she saw him and how Valerie told him that he could wear mommies shoes when they got home. I remembered after that how he flopped around in his mommie's shoes at home and how Nessa used to. God care for my babies, take care of them and give them what they want. Love Julie
Hunting season, don't feel much like hunting anymore. Hit a deer Sunday night coming back from seeing Frankie. Not too much damage, headlight and sidelights broken from plastic frame. Didn't see the hood till next moring, thought it was okay, but it is cracked. Deer lived, it was second one in a line but it just kept coming, missed the first one. Had a electronic deer alarm and it is still on, it lights up orange, but it sure didn't work. Jake was over at grandpa's last evening with his girlfriend, he got his deer, of course he didn't clean it, the other family of his did. Roy wondered about him, hadn't seen him for a couple of weeks, as usually he was hunting with the other family. Oh well Roy doesn't need him for any specific reason, other than some respect the kid happens to show. Of course Jake is a whole other story, Roy and family are quiet about his girlfriend, not sure about her. I like her, she is cute and funny. I never expected this from Jake. It wakes people up and makes them wiser. Roy's uncle Ronald passed away on Monday. This is his mom's brother. He was a very nice man. It is hard on families, I can tell it is very hard on Louise, but she is a very strong person. Her brother Eldon is down from Tenn, he is really nice, haven't spent much time with him. He has been married about 7-8 times. We are going to funeral home today, the funeral is tomorrow. I just want to pray, sometimes after my own losses I just don't know what to say anymore. I will pray for guidence. I do know one thing, and that is I am much stronger than I ever thought I was. However, I do think that it would be very easy to just fall apart and let everyone else pick up the pieces. I hate funerals. I may not go tomorrow. Love Julie
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Took Louise to Lebonon to meeting, spent the day shopping. Got hair cuts, basically had fun, but was getting a little bored by 4pm. Saw several deer on way home, of course this family has a tough time without guns to shoot at them, it was funny. Love Julie
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